I have been blessed to have been able to receive some extensive training in Texas Christian University’s Trust Based Parenting Intervention®. I have received so much information and believe heavily in what God is doing through this research and organization. We adopted our first child through infant adoption, and although we know fully that she has experienced loss and some early trauma, it hasn’t been what I intimately know and see with other children through adoption. So now, when we feel God prompting our hearts to seek out a child that will very likely have lots of “early hurts” and coming from a hard place … why do I feel so ill-equipped to handle such a task?
Although I would never consider myself to be one of intense theological knowledge, I have pursued many Bible studies and am in awe with each new thing I learn and understand in new and deeper ways in God’s word. Two years ago my husband and I were blessed to be able to go on an Israel tour with a group from our church. We saw so many amazing things in our time there and came home completely overwhelmed with the experience of walking where Jesus walked. I still recall very vividly the day we were in the Garden of Gethsemane. Thinking and reading God’s word recalling what Jesus went through in the garden. He knew what God had called Him to do, yet it seems from scriptures that He also wrestled with the task He was given. How could our Lord Jesus, perfect in every way, struggle and call out to God in that moment, in what I understand to be a “take this from me Lord” type of plea? As I mentioned, I am certainly no theologian, but this struck me, Jesus struggled to want to obey (maybe that is a stretch … but it helps me to think of it that way), yet He still obeyed. His task was to endure DEATH for the world, and a horrid death at that. He also seemed very frustrated with the disciples, I feel like he was saying to them “Seriously, all you have to do is stay awake for a short time, yet I am taking on such a difficult task?” I know Jesus was absolutely perfect so in knowing that I have to believe that for him to verbalize that he was trying to help them learn and grow. Did he want them to stretch themselves in doing something beyond themselves … working to complete the task even though it is hard? This passage in Matthew says:
Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Going a little further, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?” He asked Peter. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing but the body is weak.” He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing. Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour is near, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of the sinners. Rise, let us go! Here comes my betrayer!” Matthew 26:36-45
I may be totally wrong here and off base, but I know Jesus knew the task He was to complete, and He (in his humanness) maybe didn’t want the assignment … BUT HE OBEYED! The fact that He obeyed changed the world! We know the rest of the story, His incredible death, burial, and in that glorious day, He rose again! What would happen if we would more often do tasks that rely on the Spirit and not on our own power? “The spirit is wiling but the body is weak” … we can’t do it without the Holy Spirit. My feelings of inadequacies are because I am not allowing the Spirit to carry me through, I am thinking how can “we” (my husband and I) do this, but instead we should be saying continually “We (Holy Spirit, my husband and I) can do this because it is the will of God.” I want to be someone that responds to God’s call, even when it is scary, feels hard, and I don’t know if I can do it … wait what I really mean is, even when I know I cannot do it on my own!! What is God asking you to do today that has you frozen in fear? Remember if He is asking, He wants to be the One to do it through you, not have you do it alone!