I have been struggling for a couple of weeks after having the opportunity to try and talk with a gal who was facing an unplanned pregnancy. I first met her when she was 13 – 14 weeks pregnant and was certain that her only choice was an abortion. I tried as best I could to help her see the other choices; she seemed to listen as we talked through options as well as working through the consequences of choosing abortion. She believed in her heart that abortion was the only option and that she could never give her child to someone else to raise through adoption; but she was able to terminate her child’s life. At one point she said to me that she knew her extended family (grandparents) would be completely ashamed of her if they ever found out that she chose abortion. In that moment, my heart broke for her. The realization that there are certain sins that many would not have the ability to forgive a child/grandchild for committing. I told her that although I do believe that abortion is a sin, I tried to remind her that she is a precious young lady and that her sin is not different from the sins everyone commits each day. I tried over the course of two weeks to help her process through a different option for her baby. I tried to ask her questions that would remind her that this is life inside of her, she always responded, always acknowledged the life insider her, always thanked me for being there for her, and always in the end said she knew she had to choose abortion. I felt very much after my time with her that I have failed in saving the life of this baby. At just over 16 weeks gestation, this precious baby’s life was ended this past Thursday. Such tough stuff.
God has a way though of always speaking to me during these times when I think “why” and also think “I failed” … through a sermon I heard yesterday I was able to come away knowing that my time with this precious young lady isn’t done and wasn’t a waste. I was reminded that even through her choice, a choice I do not agree with, I can still allow God to use me to bless her. Reality for me is that I don’t know that I want to be the one BUT because God has blessed me I can be the one that God uses to bless her. It is always HIM but it can be done through Him using us. It should often be done through us. I came away from church reminded that even when you are talking with someone who has done something that makes you sick to think of it, you can withhold judgment. I have found with this young lady that it is possible to have a heart of compassion, but it is only possible for me not to be angry with her because I have received the blessing of Christ and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Our pastor reminded us that blessed people bless people, while empty people drain people.
Parenting kiddos from early trauma is the same thing … some days the desire to speak words of blessing, or give actions of blessing is the last (and most difficult) thing to do. You may feel empty and depleted in your task, or you can try and remind yourself of the blessing God has given to you and chose to use that to give to others.
“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26