Isn’t adoption hard?  It really is.  The idea of it is inspiring, convicting, and exciting.  Planning to add a child to the home, picturing them around the table and in the car and posing for the family picture.  That’s all really sweet stuff.  I know.  We’ve done it before.  Last time we adopted I was longing for our child, with an urgency and fierce suspense….and when she came and we settled in I remember thinking, “I liked the adoption process.  I liked waiting on the Lord, crying out to Him, expecting, yearning and not feeling satisfied.  I’m a bit jealous of other families in this place right now”…..and so here we are, back at it again….and it doesn’t feel sweet or desirable at all.  It feels hard.  It feels like we are on the water, in a boat, and the boat is heaving to and fro in the wind and rain and the storm clouds are cracking and thundering and lightening….we are hanging on for dear life, tempted to make all kinds of “promises” to Jesus if he will just deliver us safely to the other side.   (Jesus, I promise I’ll never swear again if you just get us through this….Jesus, I promise I’ll fast once a week and live a life of piety of you just get us safely to land again, etc.)

Jesus is in the boat, too.  He is the one who invited us out for a ride…on a sunny day last spring….and it seemed like a really good idea.  Our agency and the country of India is telling us that we cannot expect a match with the child we are trying to bring home.  We can’t specify a child and be matched with her.  For 109 reasons, this is ridiculous…and I could name them all but I’m sure you can imagine.  We have to decide if we want to continue on this journey, with no assurance that the child that moved us to begin this adoption will be ours….we have to complete the international dossier, with all its bumps and bends in the road….and get a home study approved and write more checks with money we don’t have…..knowing that no one who can…..will make her our daughter.   Crash.  Bang.  Rocking, splashing, holding on for dear life…..storm.

Jesus is in adoption.  We all know it but tonight, I need to write it too.  Jesus is in the boat and Jesus is in adoption.  

If he says, “get out of the boat”…..we need to hear it VERY LOUDLY.  If he says, “Be still!” and calms the storm…..we need to acknowledge it.  If he is silent we need to honor Him in his silence.  Someday, when I am again in the settled place, remind me to not envy the journey of others in an adoption process/storm.  We who read this and follow Katelyn’s Fund activity and reach out to each other in this crazy calling….we need alot of help.  My family cannot navigate this storm alone.  Please, be the GPS, the weather control, the coast guard when needed for every family adopting, not just me.  Wrap loving arms around folks who have started this thing and walk along others to see them through to the end and pray and pray and pray……