God has reminded me yet again of this simple truth. He is in control. I am not. In my last post I shared about how powerful God worked in my relationship with “T”, my daughter’s birth mom. I want to share a bit more of that story.
One of the more difficult things in my life was having to say good bye to the woman I had known for only 15 days. It is amazing what kind of bond can form in 15 days! A bond formed over spiritual conversations, challenging conversations (wanting to support and encourage while respecting her privacy), going to doctors appointments, sharing in disappointments as we waited together for the baby to arrive, holding her hand as she delivered my daughter, sitting in the hospital, crying together in the car as she was about to leave all alone! In the hours after saying good-bye to T and not knowing how much contact she would want to have, I felt helpless! Perhaps the most helpless I have ever felt! I could only imagine the pain and grief she was feeling. I knew she would go home and sit alone it in. I wanted so badly to play the friend role, or social worker role (my degree) or the minster role (my work) but in this situation I could do NOTHING! Or so it felt. This was one of those moments God reminded me of that He is in control, not me.
Today I was reminded of this truth again (God is so gracious to me!). I was rereading a great book titled Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, by Peter Scazzero. In a section regarding keeping the Sabbath, he writes,
“ God is at work taking care of the universe. He manages quite well without us having to run things. When we are sleeping, he is working. So he commands us to relax, to enjoy the fact that we are not in charge of the world, that even when we die, the world will continue on nicely without us. Every Sabbath reminds us to ‘be still, and know that {he is} God’ (psalm 46:10) and to stop worrying about tomorrow (Matthew 6:25-33)”
See for me, having to let go of control in my relationship with T forced me to the place of trusting God to meet her emotional needs. God exposed my pride in thinking that if I could just talk with her, walk alongside her, then I could fix her hurts. How arrogant of me think I could do better than Him or that He needed me! God reminded me of the power of prayer and told me to pray and believe that was enough for the time being. As hard as it was, that was what I did. The beautiful thing is that God has allowed us to continue our friendship. In the past 2 months, T has called and we’ve shared two great hour long phone calls! God has showed me how He is taking care of T. Now he is asking me to be apart of His means of showing her His love.
There are researched “guidelines” about how adoptive parents should interact with birthmothers, but from what I have seen each situation is unique. Each person is unique. We have to look to God to lead us in these sensitive relationships. In James 1:5 it says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. “ And so I continue to ask God for wisdom in how to extend His love to T. I know that our relationship may be changing as years go on, but for now I am grateful God is allowing me to see just how well He is taking care of my dear friend.
