From Inside…

     February 7th, our last full day in Russia, we loaded all of our supplies and gifts for the children onto three vans.  We would travel 4 hours from where we had been staying to an orphanage, to meet the children we had been praying for.  It felt surreal to me… God has given me such a heart for the orphans.  Years ago I asked Him to break my heart for the things that break His and He has answered that prayer.  Over 147,000,000 children in the world that have been orphaned, break His heart…

     This would be my first time actually stepping foot in an orphanage and I had been asking Jesus for days to please help me to walk in the Spirit, to not let me fall apart until we were out of the children's site… Someone tried to reassure me that it wasn't as bad as I was thinking… that the children were well taken care of and loved by the workers.  I found this to be true as I walked into the building.  It was a well constructed brick building with fresh paint on the walls, in cheerful peach, and aqua tones.  Lovely window treatments, and very clean…  As I walked down the halls and through the stairwells there was an echo…  (does your home echo?…..)  the only home these children know has an emptiness that creates an echo… void of a mama's loving touch… of a daddy's love and protection…  

 

the children were indeed well taken care of, the facility was nice, it was warm (almost hot inside), the workers smiled and hugged the children, they cared, they truly cared, and for all of these things I was truly thankful to God for, for each was an answered prayer.   But how does one not go deeper into the reality of these precious lives… how do we not allow our minds to grasp the full reality that each child must try to comprehend every day and every night as they lie in bed, alone in a crowded room… 

 

 

for some, they are missing something they are not able to understand what it is… how do you explain to a little one what a mommy is if they have never known a mommy's love… yet their hearts, their very souls cry out for it.  How do you explain to a little one that they are not forgotten when they have been removed from their family, the only family they have ever known… how do you help them to know that they matter,  that they are loved and that God has not forsaken them…. how does one go about doing this in only an hour and half's time….  Our time we were allowed had been cut short so we prayed and tried to pour out the love of Jesus Christ upon the children….. the team shared the Bible story of how Jesus calms storms.  They did crafts with the children and they had a concert of praise and shared testimonies with the teenagers.  Each child received gifts and most of their little faces were lit up with joy.  We hugged them and loved them, laughed with them… told them how Jesus loves them…it was beautiful to see.  We came….

 

 

 

Praying others come as well….. to each of the orphanages through out the world…  praying that as we come home, we won't forget the precious faces we saw, but that we will be their voice… that they will not be forgotten… that the Lord will not let us forget them!

As we drove away my heart broke,  as I knew it would… having done our good deed is not enough.  The reality is that we came… and we went… The children are still there… little voices echoing through the corridors… fragile hearts needing love… yearning for a family…  I couldn't help but think of the countless times I prayed, asking the Lord to send someone into my child's life that would wrap their arms around them, tell them how precious they are and how they are loved…  I have prayed this for each of my children before they came home.  This day, I wondered if we had been an answer to a waiting mommy's prayer.  

 

 

 

From the moment we set foot into the orphanage I just wanted to hold my children in my arms a little tighter… I can not begin to imagine what my Nicholas' life would be like if he was still in an institution in Siberia…. how my little Hannah's tender heart would have survived if she were not home with her family, but still in an orphanage… how the reality of life in an orphanage would have tried to keep my little Isabella from shining…  Oh, thank You Jesus for watching over my babies and for bringing them home…

I realize I am rambling… I do apologize…  Honestly I am having a difficult time processing this time with the children and their reality.  If there had been anyway possible I would have come home with more children to call my own and others to help find their families as well.

I want to encourage you if you are reading this, to go before the throne of God and ask for His will for your life… ask Jesus how He would have you minister to the orphans… are you to go on a mission trip and love on the children?  Are you to sponsor a child?  Are you to help bring a child home to their family?  Are you to grow your family through the beautiful gift of adoption?  If in regard to the last question, you are thinking to yourself, "No, we are not going to have any more children, our family is complete…"  I say to you, "Have you asked God if it is complete?  Have you asked God if you have a child or children waiting for you somewhere in the world?"  Are you willing to hear His answer…… I pray the answer to that question is yes… Have Thine Own way Lord….