This coming week we will travel back to the birth state of our 3rd child to finalize his adoption. We are excited about this family trip to Alabama! Though, Judah is only 4 1/2 months old and will not remember this special trip, his older siblings might. This trip will most likely provide opportunity to talk more about adoption with our older children. It may bring up questions for our adoptive daughter as well.
The social worker has told us that Judah’s birth mom (whom we have yet to talk to) is ready to meet us! When we picked him up at 10 days old she wasn’t ready to meet us. For me that brought sadness and disappointment. I so badly wanted to embrace her and thank her for choosing life. I wanted to reassure her that we would love her son with the deepest love and that we would always speak of her with utmost respect. I have been praying for her daily and praying that I would have the chance to talk with her. I am delighted that it looks like this prayer is being answered with a yes. However, along with excitement about this meeting next week there is an uncertainty that brings a bit of nervousness. How will she experience our family? How will she react to seeing her beautiful baby boy again? How will I react and feel? Will there be a connection between us (like I have with our daughter’s birth mom)? What will I do with the pain and sadness I am anticipating she will still carry? How will we say goodbye?
This is another tough part of adoption that reminds us that this is not how it ought to be. That this is a broken world we live in. A world where babies aren’t always able to stay with their mothers. Yet, it is in walking in the pain and brokenness that we can experience the power of redemption! The beauty of our savior, who is able to make beauty from ashes! By choosing to embrace the brokenness and pain I am able to experience the power and healing of God! I would not trade the hardship and struggle because in it I am made more like my savior and I experience more of my God!