I missed my blog day this week. Not that you would know that, and maybe I didn’t need to reveal that, but this week has been one of more thinking, decisions and discernment. We are likely going to be seeing a change in our adoption plans coming and what a hard decision it is to make. Through the process of seeking and discerning for this second adoption, I have also had some new parts of the story revealed from our first adoption … pieces of the story that are revealed over time that are a part of our daughter’s history but not known to us when she was placed in our arms 6 ½ years ago. I have been reminded, once again, that as much as we want to know everything about our children’s histories before God brings them to us; it just isn’t possible to know it all.
I have been reminded this week that truly knowing and understanding things about those around us takes relationship. Just when you first start dating or become friends with someone you don’t tell them everything right away; some things are reserved for the trust to have been built for you to reveal it … the same is true in adoption. What if there are things that your child’s birth parent hasn’t told you? What if possibly part of the reason for not knowing things is because there isn’t relationship built yet? In working with adoptive families on this journey they desire and yearn to know EVERYTHING, they hope to understand fully and want to receive all they can to make decisions that will help them best parent their child. But likely, you don’t ever know everything and often you know very little. Can we expect much different than that if we don’t have a deep relationship with the person sharing the information? This maybe feels like a “duh” moment to those of you reading this. Maybe you are thinking well that is a pretty simple idea and everyone knows that … but the truth is we don’t often remember this piece on this journey and in our expectation of information. Additionally, this is a journey where it is only over time that we can know more of the story and for some situations we may never know the whole story.
This is adoption, whether domestic or international, at its core is brokenness, a loss that we wish didn’t exist. I don’t want this to be a heavy and hard thought … but rather an acknowledgment that adoption is hard, and the story of our kids is continually being revealed. We need to be open, accepting and allowing of their story however and whenever it comes. This is a piece of adoptive parenting that is different from parenting biological children.
May my prayer continually be: “Lord, help me to be who you need me to be in parenting my precious child through adoption. May my willingness to build relationship be what you want it to be and may the years it takes to understand more pieces of the story be exactly the timing you have planned for it. I pray Lord, that in the brokenness and grief of adoption may You bring peace and healing through each and every piece of the story we receive. Thank you Lord for always walking this journey with us, never leaving us and bringing hope to those of our kids who need healing.”