This past week, I have been watchful, listening and attentive to anything God might say about our plans to adopt. We have embarked upon an impossible, unaffordable adoption. It really, really looks like there is no way we can get this particular child out of this place, and be referred as her adoptive family. I’ve been asking God for a clear direction on this. I’ve prayed and waited and praised and listened….there are many reasons that God doesn’t give us a vending-machine answer or a mail-order response, or even a GPS route to His Will. Sometimes, its just to linger a bit longer under the rustle of wind in the trees, and to notice the pace a river moves past. Sometimes, it is so that we will read more of His Word, pause longer at a dinner, breathe deeper.
Last night, my husband and I attended a wedding. We don’t know the couple very well. We went because their wedding invitation was very creative and interesting and my hubby works with the groom….and so we situated the kids, and took off for an over-nighter as a couple. Praise Be to God! I just love the little mini-get-aways! The preacher began to do the ceremony and I was touched…by the Holy Spirit. I saw this bride, who had waited awhile, to marry her man…..and in that moment, it occurred to me. I want our daughter, the one we are so afraid we will not get…..the one on the other side of the world…..the one no one can promise us…..I want her to have a wedding day. I want to raise her, to grow her up. I want to teach her about marriage, about God, about family. I want to help her buy a wedding gown and when she has chosen her groom….I want to sit and attend her wedding. My little orphan girl…..who lives so far away….and may not even remember me, from our brief time together….I want to see her wedding. I just cried, and cried, imagining all God will have to do, to bring this child home, so that I can be here mama, and prepare her for a life under His tender care, giving herself to the world, to a husband. Oh. My. Goodness.
I have 2 other daughters and 2 sons. I trust God that if he wants to, we will attend weddings for all of my children. I ache for the wedding of this little one, that I don’t yet get to call mine. White dress. Brass orchestra. Preacher in a tie. Photos. Candles. Prayer. Yes, baby girl. I will keep fighting for you in prayer. I will war for you in the spirit realm. I will dream of the day I get to take you home and then I will do everything I can to help you grow into a woman of God. When I am afraid we will not be able to adopt her, I think I will just picture her in a wedding gown…
We, the church, are the bride of Christ. Everything we do should be preparing us for our wedding day, our moment when we meet Jesus. Is it really so hard? To live a parallel and pray for her, and for me? Weddings. They are a big deal.