Today, I was doing some yard work, thinking about the chaos and mess and tiredness of our yard, and home. The carpets are trashed, the furniture is broken and worn. We desperately need a home make-over and remodel but have absolutely no funds to do it. I raked up some wet, stale leaves and thought about how nice it would be to pour fresh cement and extend our drive-way and do some land-scaping. I dreamed of getting Claire a car for her 16th birthday next fall……and then I remembered that there is no way we can accomplish that unless we both took second jobs.
With a small smile on my face, I thought about my 5 kids and my sweet husband and my 2 dogs. There is a reason we have no money and the house is a wreck. We are raising a generation under this roof, and the 5 children who will grow up here will know Jesus. They will know how to care for pets and for one another. They will understand that life can be good without being perfect and having everything we want is not the primary purpose of living.
I also considered this truth, as I was raking and cleaning up the yard. If someone drove up to my house today and had 5 children who needed a home, I would be a yes. I would go from 5 to 10 if asked to do so. I don’t think that will happen, but if it did, I wound not blink an eye to double the chaos and debt and weariness of this home. Children matter so much. Adoption is costly and stressful and a roller coaster ride and lots of days, the journey is painful……but if a family if children without parents showed up at my door…….I’m still yes.
Someone said to me recently, “I know we need to care for orphans and children with no families but we also need to know our limitations.” My response was this, “oh. I exceeded my limitations about 3 children ago. I don’t really think its about what I can handle, but more what God can do in me and through me. I’m not working from my limitations any more.” That’s what I really, truly think. Right or wrong. Weary. Broke. Always behind. On everything.
I do hope we can “catch up” emotionally and financially and physically soon. I hope we can do the remodels we want to do on our home……but if not, its really, really, really gonna be ok.