As I sit here I am rocked to my core.   Shocked.  Astounded.

A couple months ago I sent an email to a friend, a very close friend, that I hadn’t talked to in over a year.   Yes, I know, that sounds odd.  How could I let a year go by and not talk to a close friend?  We’ve been friends since before either of us had kids…so…over 12 years.  They moved away about 10 years ago, but we still talked weekly by phone.  But a few years ago, it got less and less as our kids grew older and we got busier.  Every month.  Every few months.  And now, more than a year has gone by.  But she’s still the kind of friend that I consider a close friend, even though I haven’t kept in touch.

Today she emailed me back.

She’s had a major change in her life, she said.  She and her husband are divorced.

I’m in shock. 

Now, mind you, we’ve had friends get divorced before.  Each time it rocks me.  It saddens me.  But this time was different.  The two couples before I saw it coming.  One we were there with, hoping and fervently praying that they would work it out, but we saw it happening.  The other we had also lost touch with at the time we heard about their divorce, but their marriage had always been rocky.  It was still awful.  But different. 

You see, this friend was the type of friend that I could talk to about everything.  Possibly too much so.  Sometimes we talked about our husbands.  If we were frustrated with our husbands, we told each other.  I used to marvel at how God worked it out.  If one of us was having a down time in our marriage (as all marriages do), the other was having an up time, or at least a steady time in her marriage.  So we would encourage each other.  We would give each other ideas to strengthen it, to work it out.  She was not the type of friend I called to “wallow in the mud” with, she was the type of friend I called when I needed help getting pulled me out of the mud.  And vice versa.

Not only do I want to sit here and cry for her and her family…my world is “rocked” for me.

Because if it could happen to her…it could happen to me. 

Our husbands were very similar.  We are very similar.

I’ve been neglecting my marriage.  I’ve been taking it for granted.

Things are holding steady.  Things are, in fact, going quite well in between us.

But I haven’t been working at it.  I’ve been coasting.  I’ve been focusing on the kids, myself, and things that need to be done.  Just knowing that my husband will always be there.

What is that verse?  Hmmm…let me look it up…

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” 1 Corinthians 10:12 (NIV)

So what does this have to do with adoption?  This is an adoption blog after all, right?

You’ve probably heard it before.  I have.  It’s probably old news.

The best gift you can give to your children is a good marriage.

Are you married?  Do you have children?  Do you hope to have children someday?

Then keep at it.  Make your marriage important.  Work at it, even if it seems to be flying fine on autopilot and you’re satisfied with where it is.  Grow it.  Strengthen it.

Now, I’m off to call a friend.  I’m going to see if she can watch my kids so my hubby and I can have a day alone together.  All of a sudden, that doesn’t seem frivolous.  It seems important.