Last week I considered whether we would adopt again, and this week I am overwhelmed by how incapable I am of parenting even up to my standards which are lower than most. I get frustrated, impatient, tired. I am reminded every day of my age and how hard it is to be an older mama to young children again and again……and again. Day after day I struggle against the dark powers of feeling less than, stressed, oppressed……while trying to raise up a next generation who will know Jesus as Lord and care about helping others in the world……
I was given a gift earlier in the week that I want to share. I was given another gift today that I will close the post with. Earlier this week, we discussed whether our teen daughter could join the group from town in Haiti in December. I asked her to commit it to prayer and see if she could sense God closing doors or opening them. Days later, we were talking and she said something like this, “mom, I don’t feel like God is closing any doors at all. In fact, the more I think about going back the more excited I get and my heart feels so full of love for those kids. I just want to go back and get to know them better and love on them some more!” The group agreed to include her and she is now making plans to go in December, saving all of her birthday money, her paycheck from work, etc. She doesn’t want anything for Christmas, just the ability to go to Haiti again. What a gift it is to see one of my children falling in love with something so close to the heart of Father God. I am humbled.
Before I began this post, I read through some of last weeks posts and I want to speak to what Kristin wrote. 🙂 Dear adoptive mama, and all of the rest of you (us) out there reading, praying, hoping, longing, waiting, wondering………Jesus is saying this to us. To all of us. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” This is my gift today and I want to share it with all of you. The creator of the Universe who holds time and power and purpose in the palm of His Almighty hand……is being very firm and clear. He is giving us peace. He is offering it, extending His hand with Peace in it, to you and to me. We are asked to receive it. I don’t know about you, but I really need Holy Peace right now. He does not give as the world does. His economy is different. His value system is not worldly…..it is so much better! And finally, a command.
“Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not (DO NOT) be afraid. ” We choose you, Jesus. We choose to not allow our hearts to be troubled. We choose to rest in your plan, your timing, you Will. We choose to not be afraid of the unknowns in the future, the things you have not yet revealed to us. We choose to stand with You and Your Will in all things this day. Amen.