Fear tried to creep in this adoption. Fear because this child had every reason to flee and fight, every reason to never trust again, every reason to be scared and act out in ways to just survive.
Fear tried to create a foothold this trip, saying that we were leaving our other children behind to visit a country that you look up in the news and begin to weep and tremble. Immediately upon walking onto the tarmac in Burundi, a land of suffering, we were faced with intimidation and I thought to myself, “Jesus…”
BUT– a disciple who has seen God’s faithfulness and care over and over eventually must become immune to worry because God has given them a word. Their prayers become less about relief and safety from a situation and more about seeing His will go forth. There is a realization that the victory we seek happens when what God spoke to you is accomplished. So we put one foot in front of the other and when fear creeps in, you look it in the face and say, “Perfect love casts you out and You. Are. Ruined.”
I had to pray this prayer often in the past year I and am thankful for friends who encouraged me with words like, “God is already there, He is going before you,” and “You think this is going to be hard and people are telling you it is going to be hard, but God says: No, it doesn’t have to be that way.”
Being realistic, we were ready for our lives to be turned upside down, ready to be in the trenches of a hard attachment and difficult coping behaviors. Our son has experienced more suffering than most of us reading this can claim. He has acted out stories for us that bring chills and break this mama’s heart. However, God told me a month before we left that this was not a rescue mission but an equipping mission; and every night as I now rock him to sleep, I thank God that he is letting us be a part of it.
This situation, in the natural sense, had potential to be devastating with risky travel and the unknowns of older adoption; but in the hands of the supernatural, it has the potential to be amazing…and love never fails.