This job of parenting through adoption can be hard, it certainly is different than parenting biological children. It isn’t bad or wrong, it is just different. God has been speaking to my husband and myself over the past couple of months about the magnitude of the job we signed up for. We continue to walk along side our 8 year old as she is full-on processing grief and loss right now. It is hard, it is painful to be a target of anger and it is a task that we can’t ignore. We love her so deeply; a love that makes the pain we see in her eyes so difficult to bare. We don’t want her to feel rejection; we don’t want her to turn her feelings of rejection into finding ways to reject us. And through it all, we can never give up. God has given us ideas over the past month to help her through some of this. We briefly tried counseling, but really, we learned through that process that we know intimately what she needs, she isn’t hiding her feelings, it isn’t a process where we need to “figure it out” … it is abundantly clear that she is full on dealing with grief and loss. She needs her mommy and daddy to walk through this grief with her. I am not saying counseling isn’t a great solution, I believe most often it is. However, for now, with where we are, we have learned that God has equipped us to help her through this.
Just over a week ago I received a text from my husband that said “As long as it takes” … I didn’t understand what he was saying so inquired further. God had just given him a devotional through the radio of a father speaking about trying to break through with his stepdaughter. He struggled with why it seemed nothing was working and then he realized that this process will be pursued for as long as it takes. It isn’t likely going to be in my timing. God asks us to pursue our kids for as long as it takes. And in hearing this reminder from my husband I couldn’t help but think about me, a daughter of the King, and how He pursues me for “as long as it takes” … and really, this happens often, through many situations. Those times when I refuse to do what He knows will bring healing or peace, He waits, and then when I have a break-through He is there for me. That, adoptive and foster parents, is what we need to remind ourselves always. We love, nurture, pursue for as long as it takes. And now, just a little over a week after my husband’s reminder, guess what? We have had a little break through. We are doing work with it, finding ways to help her process, and we are here for her …. As Long As It Takes!