I may have written about this last year at this time, but I just can’t stop thinking about how much new transitions impact our kids. Our daughter came home through domestic infant adoption and has been with us since she was just two days old. We met her when she was just three hours old and we feel like we missed out on very little of her life; which we are grateful for. Certainly we do not know what her life in-utero was like. With each new transition in her life; whether a new classroom at church or the start of pre-school or now the start of Kindergarten, she always has a high focus during these times on the fact that she is adopted. She talks more about her birth mom and wishes she could see her. These are positive talks and I am so grateful that she verbalizes these things but I was not prepared for how often she speaks about adoption.
The second week of Kindergarten our daughter brought home a picture she had drawn. She shared with me that they were working with a partner and had to draw a picture, a story they wanted to share, and then worked to label all of the things in the picture. The story that Kylie shared was the one of her birth. Her picture involved her birth mom lying in a hospital bed holding her while my husband and I (labeled Mom and Dad in the picture) stood next to the bed. The doctor was also present and a blanket, the wall and floor were drawn in as well. In her class our daughter was encouraged to share any story she wanted, and that was the story she chose to share. She is not afraid to tell people she is adopted and she isn’t afraid to share about her birth mom. Will it always be this way? I am guessing not. She also, in the past week, has expressed to me again that she would like to see her birth mom again. Our daughter, who is almost six years old, is the happiest, most outwardly joy-filled child in our home. She makes friends easily and loves to interact with others. I know she carries grief of losing her birth family and I hope that she always is willing to talk and tell us what she is thinking. I also hope that there will be a day when we can see her birth mom again.
Fall is a beautiful time. It is a changing of seasons and in many ways a new beginning. It is also hard for some kiddos and for others maybe not ‘hard’ but certainly generates thoughts and feelings that might be different than birth children during these same times. I wish we could take this grief and if I am totally honest, am very surprised that my daughter who didn’t experience extensive trauma post birth, (and we think not extensive trauma pre-birth) still deals with things that our birth children do not. That may sound ignorant but I guess I hope every adoptive parent believes and understands that children through adoption without ‘trauma’ experiences also have many things to overcome. Transitions can be so good, and new beginnings bring hope and excitement but I always want to remember to help and support our daughter during these times.
