It takes time to help a wounded child heal. It takes a tenacity that often seems impossible to sustain. It can take its toll on a family and on a marriage. If you have redeemed a child that has been fragmented the stress can often seems overwhelming. A marriage can become stressed. Despair can settle in.
Taking time out for you, taking time to be alone with your husband is so important when you have a child that demands your constant watch and concern. Guilt can fog the clarity of your thinking, you might make decisions or remain in patterns of behavior that you know deep down aren’t good for your marriage. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for the wounded heart of your child is to take time out for yourself or take time to be alone with your husband.
Your child needs a healthy example of recognizing one’s limitations. They need a healthy example of boundaries. And they need to see that mom and dad’s relationship must come first. Especially when you adopt an older child, manipulation is often a mastered survival skill in their tool box. It isn’t loving to allow that child to rule and run the household, even when they are wounded and acting out.
It’s OK to think of yourself. It’s imperative to think of your marriage. Even if the caretaker won’t be doing things exactly as you would, allow others who you can trust to give you time away, time alone, even if it’s for a couple of hours.
You aren’t meant to be super-parent, you aren’t meant to bear the complete burden of the child alone. You are meant to allow God to work in your life and heart and often the only way to do that is to pull away, to be still, to sit before the throne and allow Him to soak His steadfast and hopeful truth deep into your heart. Christ understood the importance of pulling away, retreating. So if the Son of God recognizes His own need to refresh and refuel…shouldn’t you?