Blog

07 Mar

Correcting kindly

  When we were in process for our first (international) adoption, our agency offered several hours of adoptive parent instruction.  We read about and discussed a variety of topics ranging from attachment to race and culture.  We talked about how our child might respond to us, how we might respond to our child, and also, how the people around might respond to a family like ours.    At the time, dealing with other people didn’t seem nearly as overwhelming as all the challenges...

05 Mar

Lots of questions, but not many answers

Some time ago I had a discussion about adoption with some friends.  They were looking at adoption, but running into some questions they couldn’t answer.  These were not questions about home studies, social workers, or dossiers.  These were very good and hard questions that may not have a "right" answer. They were questions like . . . If we really care about orphans around the world, why don’t we sponsor a child/family so that they can remain a family unit rather than adopting...

04 Mar

A mom by any name

In every adoption story, two mothers with very different perspectives and stories are intimately connected. One mother has made the most difficult choice imaginable. She has made the choice to relinquish her child to another mother. The other mother receives her child knowing that she isn’t the only mother to hold a deep connection to this child. When we brought our girls home from Ethiopia at ages four and one, we hadn’t discussed how...

26 Feb

Wonderfully Made

Telling the Truth To Your Adopted or Foster Child – Making Sense of the Past by Betsy Keefer and Jayne E Schooler  was recommended by my children’s social worker.  Almost all adopted children have difficult things in their pasts.   Loving parents naturally want to shield children from painful discussions and they may unintentionally make things worse.  Secrecy and withholding the truth can lead children to imagine a far worse scenario and/or feel shame about their past.  Adult adoptees...