letter from a birth mom
Adoption is complex. It is hard to describe the paradox of total contentment of love for my twins amidst deep sorrow with the truth about how our realities came to be. This letter from a birth mom is important for me to reflect upon during the month when adoption is at the forefront.
*Note: The author uses the term “birth mom” in her story which is traditional as is “first mom,” “biological mom,” etc. We use a proper noun plus first name for family members because it’s comfortable and feels right for us.
I have meant to write about three dozen times on many of your blogs. Tonight, I registered and am commenting. My wife and I come from two generations of transracial adoption. Julie’s sister was adopted from Korea in the early seventies, so I happen to have read many of Jane Trenka’s writings before. Tonight, her words hit me differently. To truly comprehend what she writes, I believe you must must be touched personally by what she writes about. Before adopting, I never could have comprehended what my wife’s sister had gone through. Having now been intimately affected by such an experience, I have a profound level of respect, love and sorrow for my daughter’s “birth mom”.
Sorry, but currently I sit here typing very intermittently due to the painfully deep breaths and blurry welling eyes. So, now after deleting many many sentences due to the fact that my writing skills do not due our experiences justice, I conclude with your all encompassing initial entry: “Adoption is complex”.
Since this is my first comment, let my say thank you for all the GREAT blog posts. Please know that they are read and appreciated (even if lazy people like myself don’t always register and leave comments).
Tony
Comment by ChillyET — November 12, 2009 @ 1:30 am
I blogged about this too, as well, T. My God what a learning curve this is, ins’t it? I think of seeing our children (yours and mine!) together in that room in Ethiopia and my sorrow has surely deepened as I have loved little LeLe more deeply. What she gave was enormous and everlasting and her ache must never leave. My life has changed in ways I could never have anticipated - and our first mom is so deeply in the shadows….and then, not.
Comment by meghanmw — November 12, 2009 @ 9:18 pm