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We will be having our annual

Family Picnic

on Saturday, August 14 at 5:00 pm

at Veteran’s Park in Orange City.

One of my favorite sessions at the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit in Minneapolis was a rather impromptu lunch seminar on International & Domestic Adoption the U.S.  Three agency heads lead the discussion which wound up to be standing-room-only.  Tom DiFilipo from JCICS attended as well as Chuck Johnson of the National Council for Adoption and several other orphan care superstars… what an amazing experience, basking in their knowledge and insight!

Bill Blacquiere, with Bethany Christian Services, opened by noting that there will always be critics of intercountry adoption.   There are 3 major claims they tend to make, and rather than rolling our eyes and blowing them off, we would do well to tuck into those criticisms, talk openly about them, and be prepared to tackle these (sometimes, sadly true) concerns when they arise.

These 3 claims about intercountry adoption are:
(1) We’re taking kids out of their birth country (therefore depleting a country of a valuable natural resource).
(2)  We’re fracturing their identities (racially and culturally).
(3)  We’re causing the trafficking of children.

All three points have some validity – we live in a broken world, and I think we can agree that adoption isn’t the be-all, end-all.  Adoption is not the universal cure but is instead a gift that unfortunately comes out of great loss.  

However, Mr. Blacquiere also pointed out that the primary consideration of a child needs to be his or her physical, spiritual, and emotional well-being.  When all sources have been exhausted (birth family, extended family, domestic adoption), intercountry adoption is a valid and necessary way to a child’s physical, spiritual, and emotional health.  Every child deserves permanency in a healthy home.  When that cannot be provided in the country of origin, we need to be willing to look across borders to meet children’s needs.

Heather

My husband and I just spent the last day and a half attending the local Tulip Festival with our 6-year-old and 3-year-old. I always start out on such excursions with a feeling of excitement and visions of a happy family of four enjoying the activities. There is no fighting or whining or complaining or disobedience. The children are cooperative and grateful for the fun and food that my husband and I provide.

That’s why I do it. I want my kids to have good memories of family fun. I know that when they are older, they won’t remember that they didn’t get to have as many rides and snacks as they wanted. They will remember the four of us having fun as a family. That’s what I want. Kids who grow up with good memories of family just like me. 

Sherri

Today is Mother’s Day. First off, to all of you moms and grandmother’s out there, thank you. Thank you for being the amazing blessing that you are. I pray that God blesses you in a special way today through the actions of your family and friends.

Conveying gratitude on this subject is like trying to ask a lowly kazoo to recreate a full orchestra: words just simply do not go deep enough. How do you put into action this rawest of emotions that you feel for the one who nurtured us as we struggled to find our way? God showed us the ultimate definition of love through a weekend that involved involved a cross, thorns, nails, blood, and a spear. His ultimate sacrifice gives us hope for the future. But it was only through actions that he could express that love.

Think about the first time you held your child. Did you craft some eloquent prose about the moment? Not me; I cried and sobbed and held my beautiful daughter as close as possible. My actions, coupled with the words that I muttered, became my symphony.

Some may be wondering why I entitled my post Power Ballads. On Cinderella’s 1994 album "Still Climbing", there is a song called, "Hard to Find the Words." The song works hard to capture the relationship between a boy and his mom, recognizing that there were good times, bad times, times when they did not see eye to eye. But through it all, the thing that remained constant was love. Sounds familiar.

The last line of the chorus is this," Thank you for the love, mama. It’s what made this boy a man." I couldn’t put it any better.

Happy Mother’s Day!

 During our adoption process, I often prayed through scripture for attributes I needed to survive the wait. A few examples of this are:

Heather

 This week I had the opportunity to listen to Dr. Kang from the University of Minnesota’s Adoption Clinic.  Dr. Kang spoke about her work with children and families in post-adoption visits to the U of M clinic.  An adoption clinic, such as the University of Minnesota, does not take the place of primary care for children but rather provides adjunct specialized care to children who have one thing in common: adoption.  Domestic and international adoptees and their families receive care here that focuses on issues that are either universal to adoption or may be common issues for children with a specific background.  Children often visit the clinic 2-3 weeks after homecoming, again at 3-6 months home and then as needed.  During this time children continue to visit their primary provider who may remain in contact with the adoption clinic for coordinated care.  A few important messages:

1)  Dr. Kang said they often give a child 3 months before referring to early intervention services giving a child time to acclimate and bond first.  Many developmental issues begin to fade quickly within the love of a family.  (At their first visit to the clinic all children receive comprehensive medical, developmental, audiology, dentistry, and opthamology assessments.)

2)  Dr. Kang recommends drawing titers for immunity rather than repeating all vaccinations.

3) Precocious puberty can be treated if treatment if initiated prior to menses.  Delaying menses for girls adopted as older children may allow for emotional maturation as they adjust to their family.

4)  Iron levels should be checked again at 6 months due to rapid growth which may deplete stores even in the presence of excellent nutrition. 

5)  Dr. Kang recommends parents provide all care necessary for life.  In other words, in the first several months whenever possible, parents should try to feed, clothe, bathe and comfort their newly adopted child to optimize bonding and attachment.  

More suggestions are available on the University of Minnesota’s Adoption Clinic website including screening protocols, information about travel, current research.  This information can be shared with a local care provider.   

Tressa

Chapter 9 – Ongoing Partnerships

Summary

“ [This is] the condition in which most of us begin: ignorant, isolated, and alienated from people who are unlike us. We are strangers who communicate differently, have difference cultures, eat different foods, enjoy different music, and see the world from different points of view. We are socialized to label these differences as inferior or superior, right or wrong, normal or abnormal, safe or dangerous, good or bad. We alienate ourselves from people who are unlike us and develop an aversion to them based on our prejudices, stereotypes, and fears.” (134-5)

Racial reconcilers “must develop ongoing partnerships that support their desire and commitment to be people God can use in the healing of people and nations . . .within a sustaining community people who desire to be reconcilers learn from each other and become aware of the things they do not know. Through ongoing partnerships they develop awareness of the social conditions around them.” (136)

“As the members of this diverse group engage with each other – sharing their stories and getting to know each other by being honest and vulnerable – empathy and bond begin to form between them. During this process, some of the automatic assumptions, perceptions, and stereotypes people have held about others are challenged and changed.” (137)

“In addition to sharing our story with others . . . [we need to] learn from leaders of a different race and ethnicity by submitting ourselves to their leadership . . . when whites submit to the leadership of people of color, opportunities to identify, examine and confront their distorted views and prideful attitudes will emerge in the context of loving, ongoing partnership.” (138)

“There is a script for the racial reconciliation process that is helpful in some ways but destructive in others. . . white people have a certain scripted role in that struggle. It seems that they are expected to (1) repent of racism and (2) work behind the scenes to raise money and open organizational doors so people of color can lead. There are good things about this script, but it can be very limiting.” (139) We should contribute to racial reconciliation according to our gifts and calling.

“People of color also have a script. They are expected to represent their whole race, speak out for justice and focus their life on justice for their community and their people. There are many good things about this script as well, but it can also be very limiting. Too many people of color have left their community and never looked back to help others.” (140)

“The process of identifying with others allows people to see themselves as unique individuals, not just as members of a particular racial or ethnic group. This is the beginning of forming a new identity and moving beyond categories and stereotypes. Through ongoing engagement with those who are racially and ethnically different, people are helped to see themselves as more than they or society thought they were. They are given a vision of who are also learning and growing in racial and ethnic reconciliation. This is a vital component of healthy, ongoing partnerships and is crucial to the reconciliation process.” (141)

Questions from Study Guide (194)

Have you ever submitted to the leadership of a person who was from a different ethnic and racial background? What was that experience like for you? Was it difficult or challenging?

How would you rate your intercultural skills? What can you do to improve them?

________________________________________
McNeil, Brenda Salter, and Rick Richardson. The Heart of Racial Justice: How Soul Change Leads to Social Change. Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 2009.
 

Sherri

 Like Julie, I am moved and saddened by the case of the adoptive mom sending her son back to his homeland because of attachment difficulties.  I have tried numerous times to be fair — to put myself in her shoes, to "try on" the emotions she may have encountered as she contemplated her next move(s).  I’m trying to be just, to be understanding.

And finding it really difficult.  REALLY difficult.

Instead of judging, though, I think I’m called instead to help stir the conversation that needs to take place.  Katelyn’s Fund Orphan Ministry has been such a blessing to my family, and, in turn, I try to promote integrity on its behalf.  One of our chief components of the 4-fold strategy is support.  We have monthly support meetings aimed at tackling those difficult topics — such as attachment difficulties and transition challenges and older child adoption… the list goes on and on.  Katelyn’s Fund even has a new branch in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, trying to tap into families an hour or more away who are seeking support, encouragement, and a safe haven for truthful conversation.

We MUST talk.  Christians are called to support orphans, but God doesn’t promise the road will be clear or easy.  In times of difficulty, we shouldn’t shoulder the burden alone.  Join with us at Katelyn’s Fund, where we are yoked together to weather incoming storms.  Let’s talk before acting… and let’s never forget, in the meantime, to pray.

I’ve watched the development of Artyem Saviliev’s story with deep sorrow and concern–both for Artyem and for all the families whose children wait in Russia.  Please pray much for all those involved in and affected by this tragedy.  In addition to prayer,Joint Council suggests several others ways you can support adoptive families and children waiting in Russia (see below).  I encourage you to consider advocating for our fellow adoptive families.

We Are The Truth

A Campaign and Call to Action

The outrageous treatment of Artyem by his adoptive family has rightfully resulted in outrage by the Governments of Russia and the United States and all who care about children.  The tragedy has cast a light on intercountry adoption that says it is not safe, the system failed and adopted children cause insurmountable problems.  The heartbreak of Artyem Saviliev’s abandonment has once again elevated a singular incident to a level which may result in the suspension of intercountry adoption.  Suspending adoption, even temporarily, will only cause thousands of children to suffer the debilitating effects of life in an orphanage.

You, the community of adoptees, adoptive parents, adoptive grandparents, child welfare professionals and child advocates know that the outrageous and indefensible actions of one parent are not indicative of how children are treated by adoptive families.  You know that families who encounter difficulties do not simply abandon their child.  You know that help is available, that solutions are found and that families can thrive.  And you know that suspending adoption does not protect children but only subjects them to the depravity of an institution…and an entire life without a family. 

You, the adoption community know the truth.  You live the truth.  You are the truth.

Join our campaign to bring the truth to light and help children in need find a permanent and safe family.

What You Can Do

1)      Sign the letter to President Medvedev and President Obama: The letter asks both Presidents to ensure that intercountry adoption continues uninterrupted and to aggressively investigate and prosecute anyone involved in the abuse of children.  You can sign anytime, but doing so before Tuesday night would help us get the letters to both Presidents before President Medvedev leaves the U.S.   To sign the letter, click here.

2)      We Are The Truth – an adoption blogger day: To ensure the world knows about every successful adoption, on Thursday, April 15, 2010 blog about your adoption or the adoption of someone you know.  It doesn’t matter if your adoption is with Russia, domestic or otherwise international.  Let the world know your truth! 

3)      Tell Your Truth with Video – make sure the world sees, hears and feels the thousands of successful adoptions from Russia by:

1. Send Joint Council your successful Russian adoption video via email to alexa.m@jcics.org. 

• Video should be a maximum of 3 minutes.
• A release must be sent to Joint Council or we cannot accept your video. For a copy of the release, click here. 

2. Joint Council will translate the video into Russian and post it on our YouTube Channel. 

4)      Tell Your Truth with Words and Photos

1. Send Joint Council your successful Russian adoption story via email to alexa.m@jcics.org.  Send us your stories through:
   • Photos (please do not send more than 10) 
   • Essays (maximum 500 words)
   • A release must be sent to Joint Council or we cannot accept your story and/or pictures.  For a copy of the release, click here. 
2. Joint Council will then compile the stories and pictures, translate them into Russian and post them on our website and/or blog.

5)      Share Your Truth

1. Joint Council will post, forward and share your stories via Facebook, Twitter, and blogs.   Joint Council will be updating our YouTube Channel and Facebook page as the stories get compiled and translated, please subscribe to us on YouTube, Twitter and Fan us on Facebook.
2. You do the same by posting on your Facebook, Twitter, blog and website!

Want to help more?

• Are you willing to speak to the media about your Russian adoption?  If so, please email betheanswer@jcics.org with the following:
  • Your name(s)
  • City, State of residence
  • Contact Phone Numbers
  • Contact Email
  • Short 4 sentence bio about your adoption
• Do you speak Russian?
  • We are in need of individual volunteers who can help our staff translate the videos and text quickly.   If you are interested in helping, email Joint Council at intern@jcics.org.
• Do you live in the Alexandria, VA area?

Joint Council is in need of short term volunteers over the next two weeks, email rebeccah@jcics.org if you would like to volunteer.

Julie